Thursday, 19 July 2012


How I wish feelings could be removed as easy as deleting text messages. I cannot withstand this amount of heartache anymore, I'm dying inside.

I get jealous easily because I'm fucking afraid of losing you ! Get scolded in return. Wtf man. Waiting for freaking 3 hours to wait for you to finish your drama and Skype session with friends just to talk to you. Okay. After all im just an option, maybe not even one.

3 hours past, get scolded. She goes to bed. Cool. I'm such a dumb ass. Was sleepy but I don't wanna sleep and now ? I can't fucking sleep and that's why I'm here. Spitting out every single pain here. Again, you're killing me with suspension.

Friends going to Taiwan tomorrow. Reason I rejected their invitation is because I thought I'm going to spend my time here with you ! But what the fuck. You're not even here...... So disappointed with myself.

Recently many problems and I can't seem to find any solution. Don't know who to tell. Reason? Because no one seems to give a fuck. Life is just like Facebook, when youre having problem , people will either give you simple comments or just "like" your freaking problems because they are busy updating their own ones ! Learning how to keep everything to myself. I'm literally sick of this world. Not getting what I want , yet getting a lot which I don't want to have, For now, at least. For example, cash. Daddy you bank in so much money for me for what ? You expect me to spend 30k a month ? Lol. First time feeling so rich. -.-

And yes, I decided to quit partying. Time to get serious. Work hard for my dreams. #HereWeGo.

Thursday, 12 July 2012

Stormy heart

为什么要这样犯贱爱上一个完全把你当外人的人?明知道不可能在一起还苦苦等待到头来受伤的也是自己。看来我们以前关系比较好是因为我在你眼里是个朋友。现在,我只能说你把我看成别的人了。立场不同了。以前无话不说,现在连谁先开口都是个问题。尊严有那么重要吗?had been given a heartbreak 14 months ago and I'm repeating this mistake again and again. Told myself I shouldn't fall in love but I still did. 爱上一个人就等于给她伤害你的机会。所以,...........

Friday, 6 July 2012


Worrying is dumb. It's like holding an umbrella waiting for it to rain.

Why am I afraid of losing you when you're not even mine ? You said you'll take care of yourself. What I see was you can't walk straight , talk properly , headache and all. A happy party night was just ruined like that. I was just sitting alone at the couch worrying of all kinds of nonsense. That night I drank a lot. Realized a lot of things. The more you care of someone, the sadder you feel. But what to do, only if you cared about my feeling as much as I cared about yours. I know myself well. I can't be even friends with people I once loved. Too much of worrying will never be solved. Only solution is to talk to the person, but....... maybe without me as a friend you'll still live happily. So, forget about it. Let time do the work.

Feeling lost


Sunday, 15 April 2012


I'm really very disappointed already. Really very tired. I don't know when Is real when Is not. Disappointed to the max.

You're the only one I trust the most. But it happened again and again. Stop saying sorry if you're gonna let it happen always. It hurts more.

How I wish you're just a normal friend to me. So that I won't care so much. Not gonna care not gonna ask anymore. It's just a chance for you to hurt me again, although I know you don't intend to do that.

It's so hard for me right now. I shouldn't fall so deep. I love you.

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Another day.

A normal study day. Getting harder and harder. Trying hard to cope. Hopefully still can do it.

I will only be nice to those that appreciate me. If not, No. I don't please anyone. Don't say sorry if you're gonna do it again and again

As Days past, there are more and more reasons for me to stop caring about u anymore. I came to a point that I feel like giving up. But, I won't. I don't wanna regret. As I said, love will clear all the obstacles.

Felt that I'm more capable to control my feelings now. Does it mean that I've grown up or ? I don't feel that jealous compared to last time anymore. Always think from others perspective is the thing that I'm improving now. It's not easy until you try. True story.


Saturday, 7 April 2012

Saturday 😄

A day with nice weather. Came back from cousin's house early in the morning.

Intended to study but ended up sleeping. Nice weather + body feeling sick. Slept the whole afternoon :(

Went for movie with the one I love the most at night. It was okay. Miss her so much.

Late night party time with friends. I was just thinking of her the whole time. Sorry I think i fell for you too deeply. Sometimes I rather choose just to be friends because I'm afraid of losing you. I couldn't imagine what life would be without your existence. :(

Don't wanna think about it anymore. Time to sleep. Wake up and fight for tomorrow!

ciao. 4.25am 8 April.